


A Taste of Time

by Nevermind



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-12-07
Updated: 2011-12-11
Packaged: 2017-10-27 01:15:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/289967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevermind/pseuds/Nevermind





	1. Strider

"The food?"

"What?" Dave snapped to attention, glancing sideways at Rose from behind his shades.

"Forgive me for interrupting your ogling at John, but I was inquiring if you were enjoying the food?" Rose asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. It was nearing Christmas time and the kids had all gathered at Rose's house for the week. The house was almost suffocated with decorations, lights coating the house like a forcefield that shouted out an inpenetrable fuck you to both the darkness and the local electric co-op. Dave, Rose, Jade, John, and Rose's mother were all lounging in the living room, listening to John animatedly recount his encounters with the salamanders while Jade and Rose listened on. Jade and John sat in front of the fireplace while Dave was splayed out, taking up most of the couch and leaving only a bit for Rose to sit neatly on. Rose's mom had taken the supposedly sarcastic liberty of preparing dinner early for the kids, and Dave had downed about half of his steak before spacing out.

  


Dave shrugged. "Pretty good." he said, being careful not to swear around Rose's mother. "Guess I just drifted off about something. Anyways, I'm about as full as I'll be for the rest of the night. Where should I dump this?" he asked as he motioned with the plate of half-eaten steak.

  


"I can handle that, dear." Rose's mom interjected, putting down her book and rising  from the recliner across the living room. "I'm very glad you enjoyed the meal." she said as she took Dave's plate, shooting a glance at Rose. Dave had no idea why they had to lock eyes, seemingly at random, mostly whenever referring to him. It was like some eternal battle of eye contact raged on in some hidden psyche they both shared, ebbing and flowing back and forth and in and out like the tides of some desolate mind fuck beach.

  


No, wait, that was stupid.

  


John finished his story, his and Jade's laughter mingling together as Rose smirked. Dave felt a twang of regret for spacing out. He just might have missed the first engaging story that Egbert had ever told.

  


"So Dave," John said as he wipeda tear from his eyes and turned to Strider, "how did you and your consort-thingies get along?"

  


"The crocs?" Dave replied, barely raising an eyebrow.

  


"Yeah, the crocs! How were they?"

  


Dave maintained his stone-faced demeanor. "They tried to cook and eat me."

  


"No way!" John said, laughing. "That's pretty sick. I figured everything in existence knew about how bad you would taste!"

  


Dave smirked and uncrossed his arms. Despite John's sense of humor, he was glad to actually have a home for the holidays. "Yeah, well I think they were relying on the seasonings." he said as Rose's mom returned to the room and took her seat.

  


"I'm sure you would taste wonderful." Rose's mom said, giving what appeared to be a completely sincere smile.

  


"Thanks." Dave nodded his head. He knew the mind games were about to begin between Rose and Mom. It was best if he just poker faced through the entire ordeal and didn't give either side any ammunition.

  


"That was a very gracious comment, mother. I'm sure you would know how Dave would taste, anyways." Rose said as she crossed her arms and smiled the kind of smile that Dave knew concealed a veritable fucking tidal wave of venom.

  


"Oh, dear, you know I wouldn't state that for a  _fact_ , I would hate to spread misinformation. I imagine you are an authority on how any given boy tastes, though, so I will defer to your opinion on this matter." Mom said, tilting her head to the side in a pseudo-motherly 'i'm so proud of you' manner, then taking a sip from the martini that Dave hadn't noticed a moment ago.

  


"Oh, but surely you jest, mother. I can only dream of aspiring to your levels of culinary expertise in the field of the male body."

  


"Oh, dear," Mom clucked, waving a hand, "if you keep the pace you're at now you'll have surpassed me in absolutely no time. I'm sure of it."

  


Rose simply locked eyes with her mom. One second. Five seconds. Ten seconds. The silence was the only kind that could come from an argument about what Dave could only imagine as rabid dick-sucking between a mother and her daughter; the dead kind.

  


Egbert broke the silence, oblivious to all the verbal sniping going on. "Well, uhh, I certainly wouldn't be comfortable with anyone finding out how I taste! Ehehe..." he trailed off as only Jade turned to stare incredulously at him.

  


Rose's mom was apparently first to back down. "Well, I figured we could all go see a movie tonight. If we leave in fifteen we should be able to attend the seven o'clock show." 

  


Given the levels of subversion going on here, Dave figured she was backing down first to seem gracious, which would make Rose think that Mom's aim was to make Rose look bad when in fact the point was for Mom to convince Rose that she was doing it for just that reason and-

  


Dave stopped himself. No. The road to hell was paved with attempting to analyze the female psyche. There was no way he was going deeper on that matter. John and Jade began debating over which movie to see, while Rose reluctantly joined in and Mom sat passively in her chair. Or passive-aggressively. Dave didn't join in. He was feeling a bit sleepy now that he was full, and whichever movie they saw he knew he would just make snide and sarcastic comments to whoever was sitting on either side of him through the whole thing. He leaned back on the couch, spreading out even more and confining Rose to leaning against her armrest before letting out a long yawn and drifting off.

  


"Time to go!" Dave snorted and jerked to attention. Fuck. No matter how much he mastered the art of impasse, regardless of how well he could deadpan on someone, waking up was a jerky, frothy, shitty mess of snorting, drool, and lost shades. He tried to make up for it by not rubbing his eyes but the damage had been done.

  


"Dave, dear, are you ready for bed already? It isn't even seven yet!" Mom asked. Rose, John, and Jade were already set to leave, Jade and John talking as they strode out of the house into the snow and Rose lingering behind at the doorway.

  


"I guess I'm just used to home." Dave shrugged. "Usually it's time for bed when the sun goes down there."

  


"Well, I imagine you wouldn't enjoy seeing a movie if you're as tired as you seem. Let's get you to bed so you can have your rest, you must be exhausted." 

  


Dave felt Rose's stare burn in his general direction. The evil fucking eye lasers of the eldritch whateverthehell they weres was being brought down into the focusing crystal that was Rose's cornea before being shit out all over the room like a zoo cage of monkeys with a plan and a bit of dark magic.

  


Fuck, he  _was_  tired.

  


"Alright." Dave said to Mom, nodding and pushing himself up off the couch. The watchful eye of the horrorterrors themselves disappeared out the door. Looks like Dave had failed the test.

  


"The guest room is this way." Mom said, setting what was probably a third or fourth martini on the kitchen counter before showing Dave to his room. He remembered where it was from when he dropped off his clothes, but Rose's mother seemed to be... fussy about him. It was probably to get under Rose's skin, but he couldn't help but let his ego puff up its chest and declare to the inside of his mind that Mom wanted to bang the ever-living shit out of him. Yeah, that was probably it.

  


"Here you are, dear." Mom strode over to the bunk bed, pulling the sheet back for Dave. "Let's get you nice and comfortable for the night. It gets quite cold up here during the winter." Dave nodded in reply and started to pull off his shirt. Nah, he didn't want the others to miss the movie while he was making Rose's mom invent new sentence structures compromised of his name. He slid under the covers. Damn. It was warm. Not the insufferable draining heat of the Texas sun kind of warm either, just a calm, safe warmness that wrapped around him.

  


  


"Have a good night of sleep, dear. We're going to have a busy day tomorrow." Rose's mom said tenderly, running a hand through Dave's hair and leaning forward. She stopped, and only then did Dave realize he had leaned forward to kiss her. What the fuck? She smiled and gave him a peck on the forehead before whispering "Maybe later.", and leaving, flicking off the lights as she left and leaving the door slightly ajar. Great, now the Republic of Dave's Crotch was experiencing an uprising of the people, and it was looking like no matter which side won, Dave's pants were about to lose.

  


Dave sighed and wriggled in bed a bit, letting the warmth of the sheets flood over him as he drifted off to sleep.

  


  


  
  
  



	2. Relief

Dave didn’t remember what he was dreaming about, but he was slowly pulled out of it by the strange warmth in his crotch. He woke, practically molesting his own hand with the full force of a sleepy young man with a boner in an attempt to sate the wretched thing. John was splayed out on the bunk above him, his arm hanging down limply as he snored quietly. The moon shone through the window, and Dave could make out flurries of snow just outside. Dave rubbed his eyes and sighed. Looks like a simple rub or two wouldn’t be enough to let him get back to sleep. 

 Hauling himself out of bed and yawning, Dave slowly made his way through the darkened house. He had no idea what time it was, but it seemed like everyone else was dead asleep. As he walked, Dave thought back to the last time he had some Dave-time. He quickly shuddered as he remembered his private attempt to test that rhetorical question about time-travel self-sex being incest or masturbation.

 It was neither, it was fucking gay as shit, to the point where he considered not completing the loop out of fear of having to relive the horribly awkward half-naked blind-self-groping carnival of what the fuck is going on. Of course, it wasn't anything more than a few tugs before the mutual agreement that this was stupid was passed through the senate of Dave and Dave, so he reluctantly followed through.

 Now that he thought about it, Dave couldn't even remember the last time he got himself off completely. Damn. It looked like this session was going to be a rumbling earthquake of hand humping with an aftershock of splooge in every conceivable direction. Dave looked forward to it. At some point he realized that his mind had decided to focus on Rose's mom for this masturbatory endeavor. He shrugged inwardly as he groggily strode into the bathroom, glancing around him before shutting and locking himself in.

 Thank god, the Lalondes believed in hand soap. Dave made a mental note to thank Rose in the future for this out of the blue and note her reaction. He wondered if she would make the leap. Probably, he decided, but would she let him know that?

  _Nope. Female psyche. Better stop that shit_  Dave thought to himself as he squeezed out a few handfuls of soap, using his other hand to undo his pantsbutton and zipper. He leaned forward over the toilet and imagined Mom crawling into bed with him, letting him shove himself between her hot thighs as he grabbed her-

 Holy shit, that was fast. Dave let out a long sigh as he unloaded a tiny nation of would-be successors into the toilet. He quickly washed his hands and flushed before wondering what the fuck he was doing. He had just jerked it. In Rose's house. Into her toilet. To the thought of her Mom. Nonironically. He felt a small twinge of shame before squashing it. No time like the present, and who knows, if he hadn't just blown his load, his next few days might have consisted of attempting to seduce Mom and have her do the job himself. Of course, he would succeed, and Rose would find out. Such is the nature of the Lalondes.

 Dave quietly returned to his room, sliding back under the covers and wondering why he was wishing for another kiss on the forehead. It wasn't some overtly sexual thing, just a nice thing that made him safe. The polar opposite of having to duel Bro before dinner, which was basically searching through ancient ruins. Chances of finding ancient artifacts and encountering deadly traps was a no-brainer. It was gonna happen, but the traps and trinkets in this case came in the form of an ass-whipping.

 Before long Dave woke up again. He felt much warmer than usual, especially down below. He realized someone was lying down in front of him in the bed. 

 Oh god. It was Mom. 

 Dave squirmed a bit and felt his dick slide between her thighs. He felt himself get about as hot as he would be on the roof of his house at high noon. He had no idea what was going on, but he was going to enjoy it.

 Just like that, Dave woke up. Actually woke up. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes before he noticed Mom standing over him. It looked like it was wake up time part two in an insufferable saga of jerky starts that would probably eventually cascade into a mountainous beast of dream-cycling, leaving Dave constantly questioning his reality until he fell off a sled or something.

 Then again, Mom wasn't nude and pressing her ass up against him.

 Despite his quick train of thought, Dave felt sluggish and mom let out a sigh that only a mother would make, pulling his sheets back and sitting on the edge of the bed, pressing her hand against his forehead.

 "Oh dear, I was worried about this. You're burning up. You stay right here, I'll be back in a moment." Dave could only manage to stare at mom's ass as she strode quickly out of the room. Now that he was at least half-awake, Dave realized he did feel a bit sickly. Maybe he was just hungry again, or something. Or the gigantic load he blew last night left his body so much lighter that his immune system shit its metaphorical pants at the occurence.

 It was only a few seconds before Mom walked back into the room, holding a wet rag in one hand and a glass of what looked like fizzy water in the other. She sat at the edge of the bed again, gingerly placing the rag on Dave's forehead then setting the glass of whatever if was on the nightstand. She slowly ran her fingers through his hair.

 "I'm surprised to see you so placid," Mom said softly. "Rose would fight me tooth and nail whenever I tried to take care of her." she turned and picked up the glass, holding the straw next to Dave's mouth. "Here, drink this." she said.

 "What is it?" Dave asked. Jesus, he sounded terrible, but he didn't want to be sick and tipsy with this maternal succubus only a few feet away. He was a bit terrified of the stupid shit he might try to pull.

 Rose's mother raised a concerned eyebrow. "It's Sprite, dear. Did you think it was alcoholic?"

 "No, I just... Well..."  _Fucking shit. I'm stuttering,_  Dave thought to himself.   _Fucking me, Dave Strider, stuttering like a little bitch because this MILF wants to give me some alcohol or whatever._  He was saved by a sudden sneezing fit, and after letting loose the fury of his body's natural immune reaction, he mustered up the entirety of his verbal wit to train on Rose's mother, a complex selection of words that would leave her breathless and shirtless for him. "... What's Sprite?"  _...I am a fucking genius._

 Rose's mom let out a short laugh. "It's only a soft drink. I bet Rose has given you some exaggerated bent about me trying to force alcohol on her. I try to keep everything locked up, but I believe she should be able to try some so that she knows she will not like it." Rose's mom pushed the drink forward a bit. "Now, drink. It will calm your stomach, and feeling better is half the battle of getting better."

 Dave could only nod and wrap his lips around the straw, taking a quick sip to test the taste. It was fizzy, and that was about it. He cautiously took a few more sips then pushed the straw away. Rose's mom smiled and set the drink back on the nightstand before taking the rag and flipping it, placing it back on Dave's forehead.

 "Where's everyone else?" Dave asked, suddenly aware of both the sunlight streaming through the shades and Egbert's distinct lack of snore-crooning. 

 "They're all outside playin on the hill. In fact," Mom said as she stood, "I'm going back out to watch them now. If you get to feeling better put on more than you think you'll need and come on outside. It's a beautiful day." And with that, Mom sashayed away. Dave was sure she was flat-out wiggling her ass at him now. He resolved, then and there, in his probably delirious sicknasty and Sprite-intoxicated state, that he was going to get a piece of Mom. Somehow, someway, he was going to let her know just how much he appreciated her. By fucking her senseless.

 After what felt like an eternity of lying in bed, intermittently sipping at Sprite, sneezing, and lying in bed some more, Dave decided he felt well enough to join the others outside. He tossed the covers off of him and stared dumbly at his own bare legs. Someone had somehow stripped him down to his boxers while he was asleep. Despite himself he quickly reached down into his boxers, rubbed himself a couple of times, then smelled his hand. Nope. Didn't smell like Mom. Just desperation and embarassment. 

 Dave rolled out of bed, pulling on a new pair of pants and shirt, deciding against a jacket, and putting on his best poker face and swagger walk through the light-headedness to stride out the living room door to the snowy front yard.


	3. Heat

The front of the Lalondes' house was magnificent in the winter. Snow had fallen from the sky like the heavy clots of blood from some frozen deity, painting the entire scene white like a perverted artist's brush.

 Okay, it was more graceful and less disgusting than that, but still. As far as Dave could see there was whiteness. The "front yard" of the Lalondes' house stretched for about half a mile, ending with an abrupt iron gate and fence far off in the distance. The house sat at the top of a hill, and the nearby pond was completely frozen over. John and Jade were both skating around on the pond, Egbert flopping like a live fish in a skillet while Jade lazily glided around him in circles, and Rose sat off to the side in the snow, sculpting something that resembled an oriental delicacy from the far-off reaches of hell itself. He would have to ask her later about the phallic symbolism that she was obviously projecting all over the place like the snot from one of his shitty sneezes.

 Dave heard a disapproving sound from off to his left and coolly turned, locking eyes with Mom, who sat in a chair. She did not seem happy. Her arms were crossed, she had a fully-raised eyebrow, and may the horrorterrors have mercy on Dave's soul, she was  _tapping her foot._

 "And just what are you doing out here without a jacket, young man?" Mom asked. Despite the obvious disapproval in her voice, Dave heard something else. Some sort of excitement? Relishment? Maybe she was so happy to have someone who would allow themselves to be fussed over she wasn't able to hide it. It was a stretch, but Dave had seen stranger.

 Mom rose from her chair, striding over to Dave and putting a hand on his back, guiding him back through the doorway to the house. "There is no way I am allowing you to roll around outside in your condition without so much as a sweater." She said. Dave barely heard her. She was scratching his back as she guided him into the house. It felt amazing. 

 "Sorry... Mrs. Lalonde..." was all he could muster as he let his shoulders fall abit, unsure if his actions were genuine or a ploy.

 "It is quite alright dear. One day inside away from everything will not hurt you, but if you get any worse you might miss out on playing with your friends for the whole week. Did you bring a sweater?" Mom asked as the two stepped into the guest room.

 "Sure did." Dave said, trying to regain some of his confident air. Thankfully Rose's mom had ceased scratching Dave's back, and while he wouldn't have minded it going on for at least a few more minutes, he knew there was no way he was forming a sentence that indicated he wasn't at least mentally deficient three ways to Sunday. He opened the closet door, stooping down and opening up his large duffel bag. Clothes were shoved in seemingly at random, but Dave had a system. Of course, it was pure laziness that prevented him from unpacking, but he knew where everything was, and quickly wrestled a dark red knitted sweater from his back. Instead of the usual one scratched record, like Dave's shirt, Bro had gone overboard on a knitting binge and patterned three onto the front.

 Dave pulled the sweater over his head, much to Mom's apparent satisfaction. "Much better," she said as she reached over his shoulders and pulled him into her. All Dave could smell was something like Lavender, and as her chest met with his face the revolutionary martyrs of the Battle of the Bulge rose from the dead in his pants, letting their demands be known and accepting no placation or compromise. Dave had just begun to lift up his own hands to embrace her as well when she let go and run a hand through his hair, her maternal smile so sincere it was almost predatory.

 "You're such a good boy," she said as she stepped in for another hug. Dave was surprised at how downright sappy she sounded. It was like for the last decade and a half her maternal instincts had been thrashing about with nothing to cling to.

 Until him. This time Dave brought his hands up to cling to Rose's mother, letting his face rest on her chest. He felt his face grow red but he knew there was no hiding it. "Thanks, Mrs. Lalonde." he said quietly, afraid that if he let the sentiment out at full volume that it would even sappier and desperate than it was.

 "Dave?" Mom asked as she looked down to him with what seemed to be an infinite sincerety in her eyes.  _This was it,_  he thought.  _Here comes the great heaving bucking rodeo of motherly hormones that makes the jump from a care-giver to a sexual predator possible, and look who the only poor pedestrian within a hundred yards is._  Dave slowly began to respond, ready to even his voice back out and putting on the most business-like face he could manage.

 "Do you have a boner?"

 The sheer weight of flatness in her voice, the cruel sniper shot of forwardness in her question could have killed Dave then and there. He would have just shrugged, but he had already opened his mouth to answer when it hit him just what in the fuck she asked him.

 Now he was wondering why the fuck he didn't travel back in time later to warn himself. Way to be a dick, future Dave. His mind reeled as he tried to cobble together an answer other than  _YES LET ME PUT IT IN YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO!_  Denial? Nope, she had felt it. Playing it off? There was no way he could manage that. Even with his years of training in the stoneface shield and the sword of irony he was way too far out at sea for those weapons to be worth a shit. He could just whimper like a bitch and admit it, but that was easily the last thing he wanted to do. So he chose all three.

 "Maybe, I haven't really been paying attention down there." Dave shrugged. He hoped against hope that all the other instances of him being the cool kid would pay off with her believing his subtle apathy. A quick sentence popped into his head and he rattled it off, evenly and unemotionally as he shrugged again. "But if I do, I'm sure I know who to blame."

 Fuck.  _Fuck. What the hell Dave?_  he thought to himself as he slowly shut his mouth. He was dead. Toast. Mom was going to snap his neck, then and there, for besmirching her honor as only her daughter Rose was allowed. She would probably toss his body out back under the tireswing tree they had and fray the rope till it snapped, then make a scene and claim that Dave had fell, and that would be it. Rose would be suspicious, but she would figure out that Dave would've died trying to bang her mom, and that would be the end of the line for any investigation.

 "You are adorable." Mom said as she stooped down and gave Dave a quick peck on the lips.

 The doomsday scenario ground to a shuttering, explosive halt, as did Dave's poker face.

 "... What?" 

  _Well, fuck, there goes the award for the most John-like I've ever been, the only still-functioning part of his brain thought._

 "Oh, Dave. You are wonderful. You try to bluster around with your facade of indifference, but lately your act has been falling apart, all because of me, I assume. I would never want you to feel uncomfortable but I do relish the fact that you fancy me as much as you do. Like I said, it is positively  _adorable._ " Mom replied as she pinched Dave's cheek. "And I almost feel like I am taking advantage of you to help my own feelings, but I have never had the opportunity to care for a sick child who truly appreciated it before." Dave's clockwork brain began to self-destruct as she undid the first button to her jacket. "I do want you to know, Dave," she said, voice beginning to slow down to a more seductive tone, "that I do appreciate how you make me feel."

  _Holy shit holy shit holy shit sholy fucking jesus on a fucking smuppet train-_

  _No. Calm and collected._  Bro's voice suddenly rang out in Dave's head. Rose's mom had unbuttoned the top half of her jacket, pulling down her shirt and exposing her cleavage for Dave. She reached out, running a hand through Dave's hair before pulling him into her chest. The revolution had become a world war. Dave felt like his dick was about to explode out of his pants in the least metaphorical sense.

 "Give me a kiss, baby." Rose's mom whispered down to Dave and he obliged, opening his mouth slightly and giving Mom a small suck on the top of her left breast. He heard her sigh contentedly as she slowly pulled him back, buttoning her shirt back up. Suddenly she seemed to catch herself, her lustful eyes flickering back to the professional air she usually displayed. "You can come meet everyone outside after you finish masturbating again." She said simply, giving Dave the faintest hint of a small before turning and leaving. Dave sat there for a moment before it hit him.

  _Wait, what the fuck?_


	4. First

After replaying what had just happened over and over in his head, Dave decided in fact not to violently play with himself before heading outside. He nodded to Rose's mom as coolly as possible, and she nodded back with a soft smile. He felt his insides melt as the urge to throw himself into her lap and curl up in her arms grew. However, he knew that wasn't going to happen, mostly because that would be the most emasculating thing he had ever done in his entire lifetime. The arbiters of dudeness would descend from their heavenly stations, rocketing downwards in anger and shame, axes at the ready to harvest Dave's genitalia and frilly dresses waiting to be shoved over his head.

 Dave calmly strode down the hill to where John, Jade and Rose were still playing. John had given up his skating escapades and he and Jade were working with Rose to construct a fort of snow with walls at least six feet high. In mid-thought, wondering about how they could've gathered that much material up, Dave found himself suddenly thigh-deep in powder. He had his answer, and he didn't even flinch as he became two feet shorter in an instant. The others waved to him, and he gave a nonchalant nod back.

 "Hey Dave, glad to see you finally outta bed!" John smiled. "You were down for the count last night."

 "Yeah," Dave replied, thinking back to his jerk-off session in Rose's bathroom that probably set a record for most vision-blurring and shortest at the same time "guess I was."

 "Are you catching a cold? Your nose is all red." John asked, pointing at Dave as if that would magically enable his vision to seperate itself and allow him to view himself in the third person.

 "Eh, I was feeling under the weather earlier but Rose's mom hooked me up with this Sprite stuff and I feel a lot better." Dave shrugged. He suddenly wondered if he had said too much, as everyone else blankly stared at him.

 "You are aware," Rose began slowly "that Sprite is just an average, run-of-the-mill soft drink?" Her eyebrow shot up as suggestively as possible.

 "Well what can I say, Lalonde," Dave began with another shrug "even soda can take on medicinal properties when your mother's delivering it to me through mouth-to-mouth." Dave smiled inwardly as Rose's eye twitched a bit.

 "Yes, I'm certain you recieved all the mouth-to-mouth Sprite transfusion you could have asked for this morning." She said simply, going back to patting down a wall "Let it be known that my mother finds no greater joy than using a soft drink as a medium for tongue-wrestling with a teenage boy."

 "Thank you, dear!" came a yell from up the hill. Dave turned and saw Rose's mother waving to them.

 "Oh." Dave said. That explained a lot.

 "Oh what?" John asked.

 "I was just let down by Rose's revelation to me that her mother's special brand of medicine isn't something exclusive. It's a damn shame, really. I would've loved to have taken on the role of valiant foster father for Lalonde. I could read her bedtime stories, and give her advice on guys, and maybe when she got old enough I could take her out for a drive to teach her the ropes."

 Rose was completely unperturbed. "Yes, Dave, I would look forward to every single waking moment of that. I promise." she continued to pat down the wall before punching a hole in it with a grunt that made Dave jump. "There," she said, clapping her hands together. "Now it has a window."

 The rest of the day flew by for the kids. After completing their snow fort, John and Dave attempted to capture it from Jade and Rose. The game culminated in Dave carrying John on his back through the final stretch, snowballs pelting them both, to toss Egbert through the wall and declare victory, screaming like it was a war movie the entire way. Dave was uncharacteristically energetic all day, and he wasn't even caring to hide it. Lunch time rolled around, and after a quick consensus Rose's mother drove them all to Burger King for mealtime. After they had eaten their fill (with a  strange lack of sniping between Mom and Rose), they returned and took refuge in the house as another wave of snow fell around the Lalonde residence. Everyone crowded around the television to watch a movie. Rose's mother brought in popcorn for everyone as the kids all sat on the couch, talking between themselves and enjoying the film.

 Dave wasn't paying much attention through the whole thing. Between Rose's eldricht stare and her mother's tendency to brush up just a bit too close to him as he sat perched on the arm of the couch, he reckoned he was in the middle of an all-out squabble for superiority by the two females on Earth who just may be the craftiest, if not most sarcastic. Dave wondered about what Mom had told him, about her truly enjoying taking care of someone who was sick. 

 Of course, he could sympathize with Mom, because she had taken care of him, possibly stripped and groped him, and had practically let him motorboat her, but Rose never seemed to be illogical about-

 He caught himself. Female psyche. Eldritch horrors. One in the same. End of story.

 By the time night fell Dave was already tired again. Mom made a supposed show of fussing over Dave after he began constantly yawning, telling him that he needed his sleep and that he should take a hot shower then go to bed. The only way that was happening is if she joined in and helped scrub, but he would wait for her to leave the room before he muttered that statement just barely in earshot of Rose. He wondered why he enjoyed pestering her so much about this. Maybe this was part of the plan, to assimilate Dave into the subconscious of the snarky horseshit wars for the side of the communist republic of Mom, turning him against the united states of Rose and using him for her own nefarious deeds in securing total domination.

 He would be okay with that, if she at least got naked in front of him. 

 Eventually Dave gave in to Mom's supposedly psuedo worrying and followed her to the bathroom upstairs. Naturally, almost ironically so, they had to pass through Mom's room to get there, a dark and cool female equivalent to a man-cave, but much nicer smelling and with a bigger bed. The only furniture items were two large bookshelves on either side of the massive bed, and a nightstand on the far side of it.

 "Nice bed." Dave remarked as she opened the bathroom door for him.

 "Yes, it is a bit large for just myself. I like to have a lot of room when I sleep but it does feel empty at times." she replied.  Damn, it was like she had extra-sensory perception. Okay, maybe she didn't  _know_  that Dave was imagining shacking up with her for a night, but he wouldn't put it past the Lalondes to dabble in the blackest magics of reading the male mind. 

 Dave took a few steps into the doorway as Rose's mother turned to head back downstairs.

 "Mrs. Lalonde... Hold on." Dave said. There was no way he was managing to insert even an ounce of assertiveness into his voice.

 "Yes, dear?" Mom asked inquisitively as she turned back towards him. "Do you need anything?"

 "No... It's just that..."  _wonderful._  Dave was actually at a loss for words to describe what he was feeling. "Uhh, nevermind."  _Uhh. Uhh. Confirmed for fucking poetic mastery of the english language, Strider. Confirmed as shit._

 "Dave, if there is anything you need, do not hesitate to ask." Mom said as she locked eyes with him.

  _Alright_ , Dave's ego strutted and puffed up to twice its normal size, stomping and scratching at the ground like a bull ready to be unleashed.  _Here goes nothing_. He felt everything fall into place, the shrug and lean against the doorway, the stonefaced coolness that only a Strider could harness, the one-off scratch at his stomach that lifted his shirt up just enough. "If your showers are as comfortable as the rest of your house, I might not make it through one without someone keeping me awake. It'd be a damn shame if I drowned from an excess of comfort just before Christmas." Dave let the sentence hang in the air for a minute. It came off as a bit threatening, but maybe she'd like that.

 Mom let out a laugh, covering her mouth with her hand.  _Fuck_ , went Dave's ego as it rocketed across the pen, deflating and spewing its bullshit in every concievable direction like an over-inflated balloon with a hole stabbed in the side. "I do apologize if I am underestimating your prowess, Dave, but I do believe you are not ready in any sense of the word to handle a shower with me. Have you even kissed a girl yet?"

 Dave's ego cried for mercy as the boot fell upon it, hard. Squishing and stomping like an arachnophobe who found the motherlode but was armed with the Fuck-You 5000 anti-spider footgauntlet and had nothing but time and hatred on his hands. "... Nope." he managed, as evenly as possible. He realized with absolute, psyche-shattering horror that Mom may have been the first person he had a serious attraction towards. Would he be this worthless, transparent, and bullshitty towards any girl that caught his eye? Was his entire routine of being the coolkid ready to be aborted like the escape pods on an overweight squid at the first sign of trouble? 

  _What?_

 Rose's mom strode towards Dave, and he felt himself backing into the doorframe a bit. Suddenly he was intimidated by the woman who had just this morning been the closest thing to a maternal figure he had ever know. "Look at me." She commanded in a not-too-firm voice, and Dave found himself doing so. She cupped his chin in one hand, putting the other around his waist as she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his.

  _Oh lord. Battle of the Bulge, part three: the boner strikes back,_  Dave thought. He swore he heard the waistband to his briefs give way with a pop as Rose's mother let a warm breath into his mouth, pulling and nibbling gently on his lower lip between bouts of  caressing his tongue with hers. He had absolutely no idea what to do, so he mostly let her do her thing, trying to complement the movements of her tongue and letting her take control. Just when he thought he had reached the fable promised land, she did it.

 She began scratching his back. 

 Dave felt himself go slightly limp all over except in his groin, which decided to compensate thrice-fold for the dereliction of duty to rigidness his skeleton had committed. He was putty in her hands; putty with a gigantic boner. Dave imagined that the kiss had been going on for minutes now, but when Rose's mother pulled away he realized that it had only been a few measly seconds. Without thinking he pulled himself to her, wrapping his arms around her above her shoulders and kissing her neck. She was so warm, pressed completely against him, and he absolutely knew that she knew that he had a raging hard-on. He felt her arms wrap around him, gentle but firm as she began to stroke his hair.

 "You are such a good boy."

 Eventually Dave let go, avoiding eye contact in what he reckoned was an almost-Egbertian display of autism. Rose's mom pulled him into another quick hug before patting his head. "Now go take your shower and get to bed, dear. You can go ahead and take care of you-know-what in there." she said before turning and leaving. Dave then realized his dick felt like it was burning. Not painfully, but if his member was a volcano, there was about to be a natural fucking disaster of the messiest kind.

 Dave's shower was an ordeal, an event, a veritable fucking happening that needed recording in the annals of history. He fapped hard, he fapped fast, and even as his arm screamed out from pain and strain, he kept the pace until he shot a load at his own face so hard he almost hit his head against the shower wall from the recoil. Whereas last night's event was fast, passionate, and at least somewhat premeditated, this time his dick had no time to prepare itself for a quick and easy finish. It was at the mercy of his dearest right hand, then left hand, then right hand again, until he lay splayed out in the shower, panting and content.

 Goddamnit, he just fapped in Rose's house for the second time in a day.  _Rose's house._  To her mother, no less.  _Her mother._  In reality that point didn't bother him nearly as much, but all the same he made a mental note to berate himself later for his shameless pervosity. He was too placated at the moment to think too much about anything besides getting to bed. He washed the evidence off of himself, and the shower wall, and the curtain, and a bit off the mirror before drying and dressed himself in his baggy pajama pants, lazily slinking out of the shower into mom's room, where she was waiting like a certain jungle cat Dave couldn't remember the name of at the moment.

 Jesus christ he had another boner already. Mom was wearing nothing but a black velvet robe that barely concealed her cleavage as she sat, reading a book, legs under the covers of her massive bed. "I am glad to see you are finally out, dear." the woman said with a small smirk. "Judging from the noises emanating from your general area, I take it you enjoyed yourself?"

  _Fuck. This woman knew everything._  Dave managed to compose himself enough to shrug despite his face heating up like the furnaces of embarassment themself. "How long was I in there?"

 "Quite long enough to impress me."

  _Double fuck. You're cornered. There's no escape. Just give her the hard dicking then send her on her way. Or stop being stupid._

 "Much obliged." Dave said, exaggerating his accent. Mom laughed and Dave allowed himself a bit of relief.

 "I really do hope you aren't embarassed about this whole ordeal. After all, you are certainly not the first person to spend a bit of "quality time" in that shower."

  _Please be talking about Rose. Please be talking about Rose or my ego itself will rise up, ascend to the god-tiers, and bang the ever-living, double italicized **- hell-** out of you._

 Dave let out a half chuckle. "You mean Rose, right?"

 "No."

  _Triple fuck._

  
_  
_   



	5. Warmup

Dave was trapped. On the one hand, he could break the character that Mom had already beaten senseless and tossed into the ditch and scoot for the door, letting his fear get the best of him. Or, he could man up. There really was only one option.

 "Alright," Dave said. He felt himself slipping into a zen state of apathy, an area of pure void for feeling and regard. "You've been on and off about wanting to ride me to market, flip-flopping between cuddling me like a child and snogging me. Why haven't you stuck with a side yet?" He tilted his head down, eyeing Mom from behind his shades. He didn't even remember putting them back on after his shower, the force of how flat-fucking smooth he was being must have called them to him, pulling them across space itself to nestle them on the bridge of his nose.

 "Perhaps I would rather have you take charge and decide for yourself." Mom replied.

  _Okay, fucking seriously? I might as well start drooling and beating my head into the wall for all the good it'll do me._  This woman was unsolvable. Which made perfect sense, when Dave thought about it.

 "Well, I'm pretty damn tired. I definitely wouldn't be able to give you the raunchy Texan sex-fest I know your legs are aching for. As much as I'd love to see you walking funny tomorrow, I just don't quite have it in me."

 To Dave's surprise, Rose's mother didn't laugh. Looks like he was back to the eldritch horror theory of the female psyche.

 "Anyways, I'm gonna head off to bed." Dave shrugged.  _Why did I even need to tell her that?_  He wondered to himself as he strode towards the door as apathetically as possible.

 "Dave... Wait."

 Dave froze in his tracks.  _Oh, that was why._

 "I would never be able to live with myself if I sent you away after all the teasing I've been doing to you over the course of the day." As the words left her mouth Dave felt his dick ignite. "How about you swagger youself over here and lie down with me? I guarantee that this bed is much more comfortable than the one in the guest room."

 "You say that like I have a choice." Dave said as he turned, pulling off his shades and tossing them past mom to land neatly on the nightstand.  _If that doesn't impress her, nothing will._  he thought before asking himself why he even bothered with the theatrics at this point.

 Rose's mom pulled back the covers, exposing her long shapely legs and oh god Dave's dick his just hit blue-cone status for heat. He sat down at the edge of the bed for a second before slowly sliding in next to her, his body feeling rigid and tense. Rose's mother pulled the sheet back over the both of them, pulling Dave close and bringing a leg to rest between his. There went the tenseness. 

 "Are you tired, dear?" Mom asked softly as she pulled Dave closer, nuzzling his face against her practically-bare breasts and stroking his hair while running her other hand up and down his back.

 "Mmhm." Dave managed in a too-kiddish tone. He was worthless like this. Hopefully Rose or John didn't get the bright idea to bust in or Dave would have to resort to pathetically flopping around on the ground and gurgling out attempts to explain what was happening. Rose's mom pulled him even closer, letting him take in her body heat from his forehead to his knees as she scratched his back gently.

 "Mrs. Lalonde?" Dave asked sleepily as he rubbed his face into her chest, bathing in how warm she was.

 "Yes, dear?" Mom replied gently.

 "I..." Dave was interrupted by a yawn, and couldn't finish his sentence before drifting off to sleep, curling up in Mom's arms as she nuzzled him and held him tightly.

 The morning slammed into Dave like a two-ton semi with nothing being hauled but a massive crate shipment of "fuck you", express delivery. Sunlight was streaming through the window on the far side of the room, birds were even chirping in some sick mockery of the fact that it was negative infinity fucking degrees outside, and while Dave no longer felt the scratchy throat that had plagued him the day before, he did feel weak all over, to the point of shaking slightly. 

 He yawned and stretched, looked around slowly and what the fuck last night wasn't some fever-addled dream. Dave was splayed out in Mom's bed, the sheets tangling around him like they were ready to digest him and add him to the pool of bed-nutrients.

 That was how this damn thing got so big, the woman fed it small boys.

 Of course, the only thing keeping Dave from regressing to stone age cognitive processes was the fact that Rose's mother was nowhere to be found. Dave sneezed a few times, maybe an inborn reaction to scare the horrorterror that was this massive fucking bed, then hauled himself to his feet. He was still clothed, and now a bit disappointed.

 Making his way back downstairs, still half asleep despite himself, Dave smelled breakfast. Bacon. Food. Holy shit, he was hungry. Maybe he fucked Rose's mom so hard his own mind repressed the memory of it so he could still regard the rest of humanity as equal. The rest of the crew were gathered around the kitchen table while Mom scrambled eggs. _Oh yeah, scramble those eggs, bitch. No, wait, that's disrespectful... wait what? Where the fuck did THAT come from?_  Dave didn't let his confusion show on his face, but as he sauntered up to the table, haphazardly crashing into the chair, apparently the other three had picked up on Mom's ability to read his every fucking thought. They were all staring.

 "Mornin'." Dave said with the hokey redneck accent that people around here apparently loved to hear from him. "What's shakin'?"

 "Dave..." John said slowly.

 "Yeah?" Dave asked as he raised an eyebrow.

 "What's that mark on your neck?"

 Dave opened his mouth, then closed it, hand shooting up to his neck before he could stop himself. John then confirmed himself as the greatest asshole in the universe by breaking down into a fit of laughter.

 "Haha, got him,  _yes_!" he cheered as he high-fived Jade. "But seriously, where are your glasses?"

 "My glasses?" Fuck. Dave had left his glasses upstairs. "Eh, must've left them in the room."

 "Which room?" Jade asked as she cocked her head to the side. "John was just talking about how you never came to bed last night."

 "Dave decided to spend the night in my room." Rose's mother said flatly from the stove.  _Well, shit woman, let me call the police department for you. Hello, officer? Yes, I'd like to report a smoking hot cougar with a thing for young blond Texan boys in the area. No, sir, it's not a problem, I just wanted you to know._

 "Really now?" Rose said, the corner of her mouth twitching into a smirk. Great. Her mind was broken. Murder mode engaged, horrid death by knitting needles in three, two...

 "Of course, I slept on the couch last night. It would be horribly inappropriate of me to share a bed with someone so young. As well all know, Dave is truly chivalrous, but I'm not sure I could trust myself around him in that sort of situation." Mom said airily. _Hoo boy here we go!_  thought Dave.

 "Mother, having known Dave for as long as I have I can assure you that if worst came to worst and you found yourself a witness to your own depravity Dave would have absolutely no trouble making the moral decision." Rose said simply before biting into a piece of toast.

  _Oh shit._

 "Yes, you are probably correct dear. I have a feeling Dave has had quite a bit of practice in rebuffing the women who make advances on him. Even the young ones."

  _Oh double shit._

 "You know I don't think Dave's even had a girl hit on him before."

  _Egbert outta fuckin' nowhere!_  It was probably for the best. Dave was glad John was eternally willing to throw himself under the bus, becoming a locus for all the awkwardness in the room, taking it into himself so no other person would have to suffer its consequences.

 "That would be surprising." Mom and Rose both said in unison. Rose looked as though she had been shot through the chest with a harpoon gun. She slowly turned and locked gazes with her mother, her eyes narrowing as a smirk crept across Mom's face. Looks like even John, the martyr of awkward, couldn't contain this shit.

 Mom set a large plate of bacon on the table, still wearing that satisfied smirk as Rose turned back to her food, probably experiencing a complete and total mental deconstruction of reality. Dave suddenly realized he was hungry. Extremely hungry, and in a few short moments he was eating as quickly as possible. Time powers be damned, he was starving. He only looked up once from his food, to grab a napkin, and the look of absolute terror on Jade's face was satisfying. Never get between a Strider and his food, especially if he's been getting his game on.

 Eventually Dave's stomach was full. He realized with an inner grimace that he may have eaten a tad bit fast. He didn't feel like moving from his seat, and if it weren't for the fact that he was spending the day with his friends, he would have drug himself to the couch before entering the food coma of the ages.

 "So what's on the itinerary today?" Dave asked as he leaned back in his chair. Rose looked to John, John looked to Jade, Jade looked helpless. A collective shrug was let out by the group. _Prepare for me to make sweet love to you, living room sofa._  thought Dave. "You know, we haven't had a lazy day to just sit around and do nothing." He mentioned as off-handedly as possible.  _Sweet, sweet soft upholstery, I will have you, I will ravish you. You will be mine and mine alone._

 "You are right about that." Rose said reluctantly.

 "I mean, I'm not going anywhere anyways," Dave started, pointing to his still-red nose, "but maybe we could just take a day to sleep in till noon."

 "Sleep... until noon?" Egbert looked incredulous. Dave realized that John may have never slept late in a day of his life.

 "Yeah." Dave replied, pushing himself out of the kitchen chair.  _Fuck, I stuffed my face._  he thought as he sauntered over to the couch, ready to make passionate love to it. "It's fun, trust me." the living room lights were off, and with the cloudy day outside he was nice and dim. "You just get real still, like so," Dave instructed from the couch. "and that's it."

 Rose shrugged. "Might as well. I did stay up last night writing." she made her way over to the reclining chair, tossing herself into it. "Oh yeah, I think it would be in the group's best interest to do absolutely nothing for the time being." she said as she stretched out like a cat. Dave's brain finally took this time to cognize that Rose actually had boobs. Not her mother's knockers, that was for sure, but she was probably wearing a bra now. Fuck, we're getting old Dave thought.

 "Unfortunately I have business to attend to and groceries to buy, so I am afraid I will not be able to attempt to seduce Dave until later today." Mom said as she grabbed her keys off the rack next to the door. "Be good, children, I shouldn't be gone for long." with a maternal smile, she closed the door behind her.

 The entire house was silent for a bit before John apparently couldn't take it anymore.

 "Rose, do you mind if I turn on the tv?" he asked.

 "Mmrmph, not at all." Rose replied, rolling over in her splayed out position on the recliner.

 Jade and John sat down together on the floor, talking about whatever show they were currently watching. Dave felt himself drifting off again. Part of him wanted to feel Mom's arms wrapped around him, caressing his hair, scratching his back  _oh god scratching his back_ , but he knew he needed to be a big boy. He started to wonder if Rose's mom wasn't just toying with him, only interested in him because of Rose and treating him like some plaything that she could discard later. He shook off the idea. That made no sense. Then again, neither did making out with a boy then practically suffocating him between your tits to act like nothing happened the next day.  _Whatever,_  Dave thought as he drifted off to sleep and snow started to gently fall outside.

 Dave woke up slowly, as usual, scratching his head and reaching for his glasses before even opening his eyes. They were still in Mom's room. Dave groggily submitted to pushing himself up to a sitting position on the couch, rubbing away the sleep from his eyes and looking around the living room. 

 It was still daylight outside, but Rose, John, and Jade were all asleep, Jade dead asleep on the floor and Rose curled up with John on the chair. 

 Wait,  _what?_  Dave had to triple-take, then bite his own lip hard enough to draw blood to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Egbert seriously just pulled himself on top of Rose without her noti-

 Oh. There was no way she wouldn't notice. Well, shit, he didn't see that one coming, but he had to admit, they looked happy together as they dozed in the recliner. He yawned, stretched, and stood from the couch, scratching his head again and making his way upstairs to get his shades back. He opened the door to Mom's room quietly, but of course, unavoidably, there she was. In bed. Reading a book. She wasn't mostly naked this time, so Dave's historical archive didn't fire up another simulation of the Great Uprising. She was wearing a low-cut top, pitch black against her skin, making her seem to meld with the sheets.

 Yup, eldritch horror.

 Mom looked up from her book, feigning surprise. "Why, hello there, dear. I suppose the others are awake?"

 "Nah," Dave said, taking a few cautious steps into the room, glancing across it to make sure his shades were still there. "the others are still snoozing. I just wanted to grab my shades." He said, motioning across the room to the nightstand.

 "Well by all means, don't let me stand in your way, dear." Mom said, and went back to reading her book.

  _Okay, what? One minute she's snogging me then the next she'd rather be reading?_  Dave felt something strange in the pit of his stomach. It was the feeling of inadequacy, of being ignored, passed over when care seemed a given.

 He  _hated_  it.

 "Mrs. Lalonde?" Dave asked, his voice cracking a bit.  _Fuck._

 "Yes, dear?" Rose's mother responded, not even looking up from her book. Dave's stomach twisted inward on itself. Why was he suddenly as important as a gnat to her? He felt something rise up in the back of his mind, a fire of complete and unadulterated alphamale-ism. It steeled his gaze, squared his shoulders, and washed away that pitiable feeling in his stomach. He was Dave Motherfucking Strider, about to literally be Dave Motherfucking Strider, and there was no way in hell that book was more interesting than he was. 

 "I've had a white-hot hardon for you since I got here three days ago, and for all the teasin' and torture I've been put through at your hands, I'm entitled to compensation." Dave growled out as if he had hopped back to take a few classes in how to be an old west movie badass. "I think it's time you get yourself a taste of Strider."

 Mom narrowed her eyes at Dave, putting her book down. He squinted right back at her. The silence would have been roaring in Dave's ears if it hadn't stopped making such a danm racket to sit down and watch what would happen next. Mom chewed on her bottom lip for a second, then glanced behind Dave.

 "The others could wake up any minute. Lock the door."


	6. Rodeo

By the time Dave hit the bed Mom had already pounced, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a long, sloppy kiss. Dave felt her saliva dripping down his chin and his dick turned into pure napalm.  _Awesome._

 Mom pulled away for a moment, giving Dave a soft smile before reaching down to his crotch and yanking his pants open.  No fiddling with the button, no wrestling with the zipper, in a fifth of a second his briefs and the boner hiding behind them were exposed to the room. 

 "Come here." Mom whispered to Dave and he obeyed, wrapping his arms around her neck and pulling himself to her as she pulled his pants down to mid-thigh, shoving her hand down his briefs and  _ohhhh wow_  was the only line running through Dave's head as his member lit up from her touch. She quickly wrapped her hand around his shaft, just under the head, and he gave out an involuntary moan, pushing his face closer to her shoulder.  _Great,_  he thought,  _now I'm making noises straight out of stupid Japanese shit._

 Mom forced her other hand between herself and Dave, pushing them apart as she gingerly gripped Dave's cock. He felt himself push into her hand as she shoved him onto his back on the bed, splaying him out on the sheets like a trophy. She let go of him for a second to pull up his shirt and he heard himself whimper. 

 "Shhh, dear." Rose's mother whispered to him as she bent down to give him a quick kiss before pulling off his shirt. "Everything will be alright." she moved her hands to her own shirt, pulling it up and over her head and  _holy shit she wasn't wearing a bra. The tits of the dark gods had been unleashed._

 Mom leaned forward on top of Dave, letting her breasts rest against his crotch, kissing him on the forehead, then the mouth, then the neck. He squirmed every time he felt her tits rubbing against him, probably letting out one of the most pitiful moans possible by someone of the Strider clan. For a moment he had a break in clarity.  _Here I am splayed out on the bed like this woman's plaything. Have I brought shame to my family's name by UNNNGH!_  she had made it down to his hip, gently sucking to the left of his belly button as she ran a hand up his member.

 Rose's mom let go of Dave, pulling herself just far away from him to keep from touching his bare skin. He looked down, afraid that he had just recieved all he deserved, when Mom smiled. In a way, the smile terrified Dave. All of the cunning and machination a female psyche could possibly muster was behind that shallow grin. 

 "I'm glad you're looking now, dear." Mom said softly to Dave. "I wouldn't want you to miss this." 

 As soon as Mom finished her sentence she moved to the base of Dave's erection, dragging her tongue slowly all the way to his navel. Dave's vision blacked out for a second and he felt his fingers weave themselves into Mom's hair, holding tightly to keep him from being fellated to death. He felt Mom pull away from him again, and he blinked a few times, his crotch still throbbing to the point of it hurting. Had he finished that fast? Had the universe coalesced into a spiraling conical rush of pleasure so mind-numbing that Dave was sure he would have to review his math lessons just so that he would only be able to enjoy a few seconds of it? He didn't feel the usual onset of momentary shame, and Mom's face hadn't been painted white, so he supposed he hadn't.

 "That was... Good..." Dave managed to pant. If his crotch had been napalm he was now feeling the aftershocks. His ears and face were burning, and he was out of breath.

 "Come here, dear," Mother said, scooping Dave up into her arms, lying sideways on the bed and cradling him on top of her as he let every muscle in his body go limp. "If I'm not mistaken..." Mother gently whispered into his ear as she began to scratch his back, "... you aren't quite finished yet."

  _Whelp, awesome, the Strider legacy is intact. Except for the moaning and hip-bucking. I can leave that part out of the scroll I construct with the blood of a thousand men who didn't get to bang a MILF before they were old enough to smoke, though._

 Dave wrapped his arms around Mom, pulling himself as close to her as possible. All traces of his old west assertiveness were out the window, gone back to wherever they came from. He kissed her collar as she gently ran a hand through his hair.

 "I wish I could keep you forever." she whispered to him. "You are such a good boy."

 Dave responded by lifting up his head and kissing Rose's mother, nibbling on her bottom lip and trying to coax her into more. She obliged, slowly mingling her tongue with Dave's, letting him taste her breath as she sighed into him. He pulled away after a few seconds, unsure of if he should say what he was thinking.

 "Mrs. Lalonde, I..." his words froze in his throat. It felt so stupid with him actually saying it, even if he was actually clinging to her, as naked as she was.

  _Holy fucking shit. This was actually happening. This wasn't some sick dream of his. Mom was right here, topless, in front of him showering him in love and affection_. Dave's brain tried and failed pitifully to comprehend the situation, like an emaciated boy with polio trying to shoot a bird out of the air from his wheelchair with a sniper rifle. Something just wasn't hitting.

 Before Dave could regurgitate how he felt to Mom, she shooshed him, gently placing a finger on his lips. "I understand Dave. I promise, nothing could make me happier right now than caring for you. Here, lie down. Now, be a good boy and give mother a kiss." she said, smiling to him. Dave propped himself up with his elbow and leaned towards her, ready to have another lip-battle, but she stopped him, sliding her hands down to his hips and pulling him downwards a bit. "Not there, here."

 Dave was eye level, face to face with her breasts. For all his metaphor and witticism, he couldn't even begin to describe them. Big. Round. Nipples. There, he did his best. He slowly let his mouth cover her entire areola, glancing up at her. She was smiling softly, stroking his hair. He gave her an experimental suckle, and barely noticed her biting her bottom lip. It was time for Dave to repay her for taking care of him. He pulled her whole nipple into his mouth, massaging it with his tongue and relishing the gasp she let out. He felt her hand on the back of his head, gently pressing him closer to her. He sucked as hard as he could, enjoying the short, stifled moan that Mom let out before he pulled his mouth away from her. 

 Mom's face was a bit red as well now. "Dave... Could you, maybe..." she trailed off, looking down to her pants as she unbuttoned them.

  _Whoa what the fuck she wanted a blowjob now?_  Pure terror sprang into Dave's mind. It all made sense now. Everything. All of it. The universe had beamed down it's brain-searing prophecy to Dave, leaving him nothing but a burnt husk of a boy with the affection of a tranny with big tits.  _Wait a second, she doesn't have a dick!_  Dave thought before all semblences of conscious thought ceased to occur. Rose's mother had pulled down her shorts, revealing dark red panties that were the slightest bit wet. Then she pulled those down as well. 

 "This might seem strange to you, and you-"

 "I'm in." Dave said as he shrugged. Mom was laying on her back now, her panties down to her knees. Dave gave her another kiss on the lips.  _Payback time._  He worked his way down her body more slowly than she had with him, first her neck, moving across it gingerly, then down to her collarbone, down her breast to drag his tongue across the nipple he hadn't played with already, before moving down to her stomach, taking his time and stopping at her hips. He drew his tongue along her hipbone before giving it a quick suck. Mom squirmed and let out a low moan.  _Hell yes._

 Finally, Dave was at her crotch. It was completely bare, and the faintest smell of lavender drifted into his nose. He realized with an inward grimace that he had never even seen a female's parts up close before. Then again, he had a feeling that not many looked this good. Rose's mom was more worked up about this than Dave could have imagined. She was wet all over, with a bit even on her thighs.

 "Just... Do what you did with these." Mom said, smiling and running a finger over her nipple.  _Go time_  Dave thought as he lowered his mouth to Mom's clit, breathing on it and enjoying Mom's reaction before dragging his tongue up the length of her womanhood. 

 Rose's mother  _reacted._  That was the only way to describe the noise she let out before doing what Dave had done to her, which was to say grabbing two fistfuls of hair and making sure that his mouth was going nowhere else. He pushed his tongue as deep into her as she could, and she moaned and writhed, putting her legs on his shoulder and squeezing him between them. Dave savored her taste and after about half a minute, Mom pushed his face into her, her legs almost choking him as she violently shuddered and shook. A few seconds later, her entire body relaxed as she let out a satisfied moan.

 "Good boy," she whispered. "Very... good boy."

 Dave crawled back up on top of her, feeling his penis rediscover its tendency to feel like it was on fire as it just barely grazed her wet pussy. He let himself lie flat against her and she wrapped her arms around him, stroking his hair and scratching his back.

 "I think I'm going to have to keep you." Mom said to him. It wasn't a whisper, and Dave could hear the tone of her voice. She was... happy. After a few minutes of lying there, caressing Dave softly and ocassionally kissing his forehead, Mom gave Dave a final squeeze. 

 "Here," she said as she slowly pushed herself up, cradling Dave as she slowly put him on his back. "I believe I owe you this." Rose's mother went down to Dave's hip, giving it a small nip before looking back up at him with a soft smile. Dave locked eyes with her, still breathing heavily from before, which turned into a pant as Mom wrapped her lips around Dave's erection. He let out a squeak and bucked his hips as he felt Mom's tongue and lips drag themselves all the way down to the base of his member. She let out a soft moan and pulled back to the head, wriggling her tongue and making Dave bite his lip to the point of it bleeding.

 Mom took all of Dave again, and again, and again, picking up her pace and Dave gasped for breath and felt his face become as hot as his dick. He had tangled her hair in his hands again, and was thrusting back in rhythm with her. He felt himself drawing close to what was sure to be an almost painful orgasm and he began to rock harder against her, to the point where he was the one doing all the work, pushing himself into her mouth as far as he could manage, almost to her throat.

 "I'm... Ung..." Was all Dave could choke out. Then, with a shuddering breath, 

 " _Fuuuck!_ " With one last jerk he pushed himself all the way to her throat, feeling his cum shoot out into her mouth as his member throbbed in her, surrounded by her warm, wet mouth and being gently caressed by her tongue. Dave felt every muscle in his body unwind at once as he collapsed back onto his back, panting heavily but too tired to wipe the sweat from his brow. He felt Rose's mother gently pull up his briefs, then his pants, buttoning them for him before pulling his shirt back over his head, guiding his arms through the sleeves and leaving him clothed again.

 "What... What about..." Dave managed from his half-awake state. Mom's only reply was an exaggerated swallow and a smile. "... Oh." Dave managed, before his eyes became slabs of granite, pulling themselves down. The last thing he felt before giving in to exhaustion was Mom gathering him up into her arms, scratching his back and kissing his neck as she gently rocked him to sleep.

 "Such a good boy." Mom whispered in his ear as she continued to cradle him lovingly in her arms.


	7. InterMission

_Go. Move. Jump. Roll._

 Bro's mind had long since devolved into concepts, forsaking attaching language to any part of his thought processes except when necessary. He shot across the urban Texas skyline, flash-stepping from rooftop to rooftop as he let let the wind whip against his face and the cold chill his skin. Dave had been gone for four days now, and Bro was surprised by how much he missed his prodigy already.

  _Lonely._

 Bro was lonely. Fucking lonely. He had never spent a Christmas alone after discovering Dave, and despite his detached relationship with the boy, the two had grown quite close. Bro landed on the apartment rooftop, his mind easing back to  the civilized world.

 "I wonder if he misses me..." he thought to himself as he stroked his chin. The moment Dave had left Bro had ceased all illusion of self-grooming, and the beginning of a beard coated his face. He was absolutely sure that he reeked, as he hadn't even looked in the direction of the shower in half a week. "I suppose I'll call to check up on the tyke." he muttered as he made his way back into the apartment. Pizza boxes had overrun the kitchen table, and dirty dishes strangled the sink.

 Bro made his way to his room, picking his way through the garbage that cascaded into the apartment with the departure of Dave. He tossed his sheets off his bed, then leaned over it to search for his cell phone in the space behind it, expecting something to bite his hand. His fingers closed around something metallic. "Jackpot." he thought as he pulled his phone out from behind the bed, flipping it open and pausing before he realized he didn't have the Lalondes' number.

 No problem. The little man had left it taped to the frame of his door. Bro navigated back through the foggy apartment, enjoying the desolate whine of the in-window heater as it fought for dear life to keep the room above freezing. Bro snatched the paper off the doorframe, looking down and scanning through three or four numbers before finding his mark.

 


	8. Eldritch

Mom made her way back over to the bed, sitting quietly at the edge of it and failing to resist the urge to run her hand through Dave's hair. He was beautiful, his nose tinged the faintest shade of red, his blond hair splayed out across his face, his mouth in a tiny pout as if he knew she wasn't still holding him. She was in love with this boy. She wondered how much longer he would be asleep when he let out a moan, stretching out on the bed as far as he could and yawning. 

Dave blindly felt his way to Mom's lap, still half asleep, and rested his head there. He felt Mom's hand rub up and down his back slowly, and he let out a contended sigh. The phone rang downstairs, and Rose's mom gave Dave a final pat on the back before standing, making her way quietly out of the room, leaving the door just slightly ajar as she made her way to the kitchen to answer the phone.

Dave was waking up more slowly than usual. He felt his consciousness trying to tug at him to wake up and shove his face into Mom's breasts again, but his body wouldn't let him. He was more or less sapped of energy. He stretched again, enjoying the tingle running along his body before two hands grabbed him roughly by the shoulders, pulling him off the bed and onto the floor. 

Dave's eyes snapped open, and it was Dave. He had literally pulled himself out of bed. Now that he was on the floor, Dave felt sickly and weak, like before, but worse.

"Dude we have to get the fuck out of here, go, now." Dave looked at himself with terrified eyes.

"What-" 

"Just go, man!" Dave yelled at himself as he was pulled off the floor and shoved towards the doorway. He barely caught his footing as the other him drew a half-broken sword, still pushing Dave out of the room.

Dave stumbled into the handrail of the stairs as the door was kicked shut behind him. He looked over the edge, and his friends were gone. The house was empty and silent. 

Then the shrieking began.

Horrid, twisting wailing in a sick amalgam of languages pierced Dave's ears, making him double over. He realized what was going on then, with the fuzzy impression of what he needed to do.

He yanked his turntables from thin air, scratching hard backwards and pulling himself moments into the past. He could see it now, the sheets of the bed writhing around his sleep past self. Actually writhing. The damned thing apparently was 100% pure eldricht horror-silk, and it was hungry as all hell. Dave rushed over to the bed, yanking his sleeping self off of it as the inky blackness threatened to swallow him up. He locked eyes with himself for the second time.

"Dude we have to get the fuck out of here, go, now."

"What-"

"Just go, man!" Dave yelled as he pulled himself off the floor and shoved his past self to the doorway. He locked his gaze on the mass of sheets that were swirling in front of him. Now he could make out teeth. Claws. Hideous features that would leave him at a loss for words if he wasn't so damned heroic. The bed - or whatever it was masquerading as the bed - shrieked out in anger, the horrible noise cutting into Dave's ears for the second time in what was only seconds to him. He raised his half-sword, realizing with a sickening feeling in his stomach as the monster grew larger and larger that he really was doomed.

Dave shot up from the bed with a yelp, fighting the sheets that seemed intent to destroy him. After a full quarter second of being a frothy-mouthed idiot, he realized that he wasn't being eaten, and he glanced around to make absolutely sure that a horrorterror wasn't waiting in the immediate vicinity with some hellish spork-knife weapon in tentacle. Despite the room being clear of hungry eldritch horrors, Dave still pulled himself out of the bed, feeling jumpy after the dream. In all his naps and snoozes and near-comas, he had never used time travel in a dream, at least as far back as he could remember. Either heavy shit was about to go do, or he was due for an ass-whipping from some redneck trucker or something.

Dave made his way out of the room just fast enough to barely betray his intent to get the fuck out of that place. He forcibly ground his pace back to the apathetic swagger about halfway down the stairs as he spotted John, Jade, and Rose lying around the living room in various states of near-comatose boredom. John perked up as Dave met the bottom of the stairs.

"Wow, you've been out for a while, Dave! Rose's mom had to go check up on you and everything to make sure you hadn't been eaten or something."

"Didn't see any crocs in there, so I'm pretty sure I'm safe around here." Dave replied, wondering if John was secretly some nightmare puppetician, weaving fear and terror into the fabric of dreams themselves as his unwitting victims slept.

He was probably also a juggalo too.

"My mother made a quick run to the grocery store after you decided to splay yourself out in her bed like some sort of pagan offering. Whenever she gets back we could take up John's suggestion of going to the park, if you aren't too busy throwing yourself in her general direction and hoping you stick." Rose said. It seemed he eldritch barbs had been sharpened, and she was ready to get stabby. 

"Rose you should know as much as I enjoy your mother's sexual comfort I wouldn't do anything like that in your house."

"I should hope not."

"Yeah, besides, it's your mother coming on to me, not the other way around. Really though I figured you'd be tired of bringing up your shapely mom's lust for me. Are you all right?" Dave let a bit of genuine concern trickle into his voice. The last day or two this was practically all that Rose and Dave had spoken about. It was getting borderline Freudian, then extremely Freudian. Hell, it was probably bordering on meta-Freudian and if it kept up Dave was worried that he might realize that Rose was jealous or genuinely put-off or something like that.

"I'm quite alright." Small falter and pause between quite and alright. Confirmed for bullshitting. 

"Okay then if you're right as rain I suppose there's nothing I could do. No amount of fresh beats or smuppet cinematography could swing your mood further up the happy tree, so I'll just pitch my vote in for going to the park and watching Egbert fall out of the swings like a retarded koala."

"Hey! I've gotten a lot better at keeping my balance since last time!" Egbert interjected. His honor had been insulted, and the time to draw blood was nigh. Death fight on the jungle gym, loser dies and is forgotten, winner leaves with dignity intact. 

"Yeah he has! There was only a little bit of screaming and I didn't need to shake him that much to get him to let go of the seat!" Jade breathlessly added. She sat there with a grin that could be rivaled only by a lobotomy patient in a toothpaste commercial before noticing John's decidedly less than appreciative glare. She responded by squeezing her hands together, tilting her head together, and making sure that toothpaste commercial had nothing on her. Fucking adorable, fucking incontestable, and as John's sigh noted, fucking functional.

"Alright well when's your mom gonna be back Rose?" Dave turned from the near-blindingly over the top cheesy adorableness that was Jade before his brain started sizzling.

"Any minute now I should hope. I have a feeling my seething rage is going to require a safety belt to keep me from eviscerating you." Rose was back to smirking, of course, but Dave had no doubt that she would attempt to annihilate him given the chance. It was kinda hot, especially since she would have no chance of defeating the mighty bastard of time and his armada of selves with nothing better to do.

"Yeah I'd like to see you try to eviscerape me or whatever it is you said you'd do."


	9. Roulette

                Jay smiled half-drunkenly at the young man standing in front of him. He grabbed his beer bottle off the counter, glancing at the punk's upturned hat on the bar, full of cash, before bringing his bottle down on the bartop, shattering it. This little asshole was about to get his due for waltzing into the middle of this watering hole with a damn puppet and trying to beg.

                "I hope ye got enough donashuns a cover yer trip a the hospittle." Jay sneered at the young man standing defiantly in his way. The boy probably weighed about half as much as Jay, and even though he had thin muscles along his arms, Jay knew from the look of the boy's wonky shades that the kid hadn't ever been in a serious barfight. He was carrying around a puppet, for God's sake! Jay laughed to himself as he pushed himself off the barstool, waving his bottle and stumbling a bit.

                "Alright, less havit."

                The punk nodded in reply. He hadn't said one word since he walked in. Instead of squaring up, raising his fists, and getting ready to take his beating like a man, the boy held up his puppet. Laughter rang out around the whole bar.

                "Do you believe this little shit! He's thinkin at puppet's gonnuh saveim er sumthin!"

                Then the boy flickered away, leaving the puppet floating in the air. Moving. On its own. Dancing in place.

                Then the first punch flew across Jay's face.

                He fell to his side, the broken bottle flying out of his hand. He felt his face turn redder than normal as he let out a yell, standing back up, tottering forward, and taking a wild swing at the puppet.

                The puppet dodged, then slapped him across the face before Jay received a kick to the back of the knee, putting him to a kneel. The young man flickered back into sight, the puppet in-hand, before he brought a fist down on the back of Jay's head. The blow didn't knock Jay unconscious, but his face hitting the cold bar floor did.

                The bar was completely silent. Somewhere in the back an old, raspy voice shouted out, "Hot damn!", and that was it.

                Bro strode over to the bar, picking up his hat and pulling out a twenty, nodding to the barkeep as he tossed it on the countertop before marching out of the watering hole. He crossed across the mostly empty parking lot to a waiting semi, pulling himself up into the passenger seat and stealing a glance at the horizon. The sun had just set. His driver, cloaked in shadow despite the glow of the console, grunted.

                "How much'd you pull in, kid?" his voice was smooth, but mean, a verbal fuzzy caterpillar, its fur laced with venom despite its pleasing appearance.

                Bro merely shrugged in reply. He hadn't yet counted the money, but he pulled what he estimated was about a hundred out of his cap, offering it to his driver.

                "Nah, kid. You keep it. Anyone that can fight his way through eleven bars in a day deserves more than half his own keep." he said, waving a hand dismissively before bringing it down. The shadowy man wrapped his fingers around the faux-diamond tipped gearshift, pulling it towards him and letting loose the air breaks with a squeal. He turned to Bro slightly, the shadows never leaving his face despite the truck cab rolling into the light. "Let's get you where you need to be."

                The truck pulled out onto the highway, engine belching smoke as the engine roared. Within seconds the bar was out of sight, and Bro leaned back in his seat, turning his gaze skywards for a moment before closing his eyes. Smooth jazz filled the cabin, crackling with the radio as Bro slipped off to sleep.

                Two hours later, and Bro was back awake, the airbrakes of the semi not being enough of a cushion from the potholes that his driver may or may not have been intentional hitting.

                "Rest stop up ahead, kid." the shadow in the driver's seat said to Bro as the truck slowed, the brakes squealing as they pulled into a well-lit parking lot. Bro glanced out the window. This wasn't a truck stop. This was a fucking casino. A big one.

                For something supposedly out in the middle of nowhere between Texas and New York, the place was huge. At least fifteen floors, the outside lit up by swirling patterns of color along the windows. There was even a fountain outside the front door, carved in the shape of four playing cards. Cheeky, but Bro could see a bit of irony in it.

                "Where are we?" Bro asked, letting his eyebrow haul itself up to just above his shades.

                "A few hours ahead of schedule is where we are. This is my home away from home. Let's go pay the rest of the crew a visit." The shadowy man threw the semi into park, letting the brakes vent before cutting the ignition and opening the door. "Something wrong, kid? You got plenty of scratch on you to waste."

                Bro shrugged in reply and pushed the passenger door open, dropping neatly to the ground as his driver circled around the front of the semi. Even through the well-lit parking lot, his face was still blacked out, his eyes reduced to slits.

                "Follow me, kid, and stay close. There might be shit going down tonight."

                The two made their way across the parking lot. Bro glanced around it. Not many cars, or anything for that matter. Mostly just 50s-era replicas that almost looked like they were covered in a fine layer of dust. Bro killed the twitch to his lip that was on his way. He should've brought Cal with him.

                The dark man took the lead of the two, passing by the fountain to the large blacked-out double doors. He stopped before pulling one open. "Stay close, kid. We shouldn't need to be here for long."

                The driver half-kicked open the door, and light and sound flooded out, washing over Bro and almost surprising the hell out of him.

                Almost.

                The casino was flashier on the inside than the outside, and despite the deserted parking lot, it was full to the brim of people of all shapes and sizes. There was a main stage at the far end of the room, where a band was haphazardly hammering out swing music, mixing it with the sounds of chatter, conversation, and slot machines. Bro took it all in slowly before reaching into his pocket, wrapping his fingers around the wad of cash he had spent the day accruing.     

                Thankfully, he wasn't a gambling man.

                Bro followed his driver through the massive lobby to the front counter. A massive man sat behind the bars, resting his chin on his hand and leaning on his elbow, flipping through a magazine as if this place was a boring office job.

                "Hey, hearts!" the driver shouted out as they neared the counter. The gargantuan man looked up, and Bro realized that his face was darkened out as well. Looks like his driver wasn't an anomaly.

                "Hey Droog," Hearts said, already shifting back to his bored posture. "Was wondering when you'd make it in."

                "I ran across a passenger." Droog said, motioning over his shoulder at Bro. "He'll be pretty damn handy in about ten seconds from now."

                Bro wondered just what the hell Droog meant when the main set of doors burst open. A man in a green suit marched in. Then another. And another, all in a neat, single-file line, filing out into the area just inside the door. Fourteen in all, Bro counted, wearing identical suits despite their differing builds and hats. Each had a number. A woman strode in last, letting the door shut with a soft bang after her. Her face was dark, just like Hearts's and Droog's. Bro couldn't even make out her eyes underneath her wide-brimmed hat, but he could see the whip concealed in the sleeve of her trenchcoat.

                The whole casino was silent for a few seconds before the microphone on the main stage let out a squeal. Another pitch-black form had vaulted up onto the stage, wrenching the mic away from the singer. He let out a nasty laugh.

                "Looks like the party's all here! Last one out the door in a coffin wins!" He cackled, drawing a tommy gun seemingly out of nowhere.

                Bro's vision flicked past Droog, who caught a poolstick that Hearts tossed to him, to the group in the front of the casino. Each drew a different type of gun, and as the guests in the casino's shrieked and ducked, Bro stood stock-still.

                "Here you go, kid." Droog said from behind Bro. Bro turned just in time to catch his sword, letting the sheath drop off of it to the floor. He nodded to Droog, who began marching into the crowd. The man on stage let out another mean laugh.

                "Let's party!" He said before spraying bullets in the direction of the door. Scream echoed out, and Bro dropped low as all hell broke loose.


End file.
